Recovering from a Natural Disaster
The Woolsey Fire, The Hill Fire, and The Griffith Park Fire all hit Los Angeles and Ventura County at once. Over 150,000 people were forced to evacuate from their homes in Thousand Oaks, Malibu, Oak Park, Westlake Village, Simi Valley, Calabasas and more.
Natural disasters like brushfires, floods, hurricanes and other traumatic ‘natural’ events are extremely challenging for the people directly affected. The stress caused following a natural disaster can lead to ‘burnout’ and physical, mental and emotional exhaustion. Some people will be able to manage the stress but for others it may be difficult to cope. Most people eventually heal and recover and go on to rebuild their lives.
Impacts of Natural Disasters
Feeling stressed, anxious, exhausted or confused
Feeling sad, overwhelmed or angry
Shock, feeling ‘numb’
Uncertainty about the future
Feeling lonely, isolated or withdrawn
Feeling unwell – headaches, difficulty sleeping, eating, weight loss/gain
Resentment or blaming others
Increased substance use
Thoughts of suicide or self-harm
Strategies to Help you Cope with a Natural Disaster
Recovery takes time. It is important to allow yourself time to process your circumstances and regain a sense of normalcy. There are things you can do to heal and rebuild.
Recognize when it’s getting too much - watch out for signs of stress and get extra support when things become overwhelming. Allow yourself extra time to get things done.
Talk - release your emotions and tension by talking to someone you trust or a therapist. This can help put things into perspective. It’s likely others in your community are experiencing similar feelings so this gives everyone an opportunity to release negative feelings and discuss practical ways to deal with the situation.
Develop an action plan - decide who’s going to do what and when. Summarize your financial situation and discuss your options with your bank to alleviate stress of any financial concerns. Having a plan will help you feel you are making progress.
Take care of yourself - eat well, exercise and sleep. Try to get back to your normal routine when you feel ready. Wherever possible, schedule extra time for things you enjoy or that you find relaxing.
Get help - lean on family and friends. Strong support networks can provide emotional or practical support. Explain your needs and tell them exactly how they can help. Make a list of places to go to for help e.g. financial assistance, emotional support, your GP a helpline Like Lifeline.
Consider professional help - If you don’t feel some return to normal after four weeks, seek professional help (earlier if needed).
If you were affected by the fires in the Los Angeles/Westlake Village area and are in need of extra support and a safe space to process the recent natural disasters, I invite you to contact me via email at: tanyasamuelianmft@yahoo.com . I provide a complimentary consultation. Contact me now to see if we might be a good fit to work together! Or book your appointment now!
Unpacking Emotional Baggage
When dealing with emotional baggage, you are constantly struggling under the weight of baggage, bad filters, and triggers. In any situation, nothing that is said is evaluated objectively. Everything is going through a filter that distorts the original message. It stops being about the content of the message, and instead becomes about our perceptions of the sender, and more importantly, about us. We have let ourselves get to the point where we're not really hearing anymore, we're just judging. If you've reached this point with someone, it's time to unpack your baggage.
Here are a few things that contribute to the problem and understanding them is important tp changing the situation:
Your brain processes most information using primitive filters looking only for the most basic information about threats that should be attended to.
Attention errors make it likely that you'll pay more attention and give weight to information that confirms your original point of view.
You don’t get to hear the intent of people’s messages; you only to get hear how their words come out and to feel how the message impacts you. The disconnect between intent and impact is at the heart of many strained relationships.
Start with a Positive Assumption
The next time you react to something someone else says, turn the situation on its head. Start with a positive assumption, rather than a negative one. Instead of assuming that a person is attacking you, start by assuming they are adding value.
Instead of having your normal reaction to what is said, really think about it. Repeat what they said in your head before responding. Think about the words, without reading between the lines or thinking about the back story. Hear the words coming out of someone else’s mouth—how do you interpret them now?
Pay attention to the positive, rather than the negative components of the message. Did the person start with a compliment and then share some constructive feedback? Focus on the compliment for a moment. Let it soak in.
Think about the possible positive intentions they might have had. How might the person have been trying to help? What were they trying to get at? What value are their comments adding?
If you start with a negative assumption, you waste all the value that others could be providing. A positive assumption is the only thing that gives you a chance.
If you live in the Los Angeles/Westlake Village area and are interested in understanding your emotional baggage and unpacking them, I invite you to contact me via email at: tanyasamuelianmft@yahoo.com . I provide a complimentary consultation. Contact me now to see if we might be a good fit to work together! Or book your appointment now!
Made The Brave Decision To Go To Therapy...Now What?
I’ve made the brave decision to go to therapy…now what?
We’ve all been there - feeling overwhelmed, confused, thinking we could benefit from seeing a therapist. But only some of us make it through the door and get the help we need. Why is that? Looking for a therapist can be a grueling process.
Searching for a therapist can feel extremely impersonal, leading you from profile to profile on the web only to find yourself lost. The whole process can feel like a massive load - that’s why breaking it down into smaller manageable parts can be a great way to maximize your search. Here are a few tips to consider:
Check in with yourself. I always ask my new clients what they’re looking for out of therapy - what are your goals? What do you want to work on? Is there a specific type of therapy you want to try: individuals, couples, family, etc.? Are there certain qualities you want your therapist to have?
Pro Tip: I suggest taking time to imagine the kind of therapist you want to work with. Write down the traits that feel important to you, and traits that are deal breakers. Ideally what you are looking for is finding a therapist that puts you at ease.
Consider your therapy budget: Therapy is expensive. While I believe it is one of the best investments we can make in our self, there are real financial barriers that can make it hard to do so. Depending on the community you live in, therapy can range from $80-$200 per session.
One option is to consider using your insurance for therapy; it is important to first find out what type of reimbursement, if any, your insurance company offers. If it is a requirement to see someone “in network,” ask for a list of providers and begin looking them up online. Some insurance companies will provide reimbursement for therapy that is '‘out of network'‘ and your therapist can provide you with a “superbill” each month to submit to your insurance.
Pro Tip: Look at your overall spending and see where you can make adjustments. Saving could be as simple as bringing lunches to work and making coffee at home. It is a choice, like everything else, and you must weigh the financial commitment you are willing to make.
Ask people you trust for recommendations: Asking people you trust for recommendations is a great place to start. This could be a friend, family member, colleague or other health professional.
Pro Tip: If you have a friend or family member who is a therapist, they would also be a good person to ask as well. Therapists tend to have reputable colleagues who they can refer you too.
Use the web: The Internet is a great resource for reading about and finding local therapists. Psychology Today and Good Therapy have a comprehensive listing of therapists and allows you to search based on several different factors. All therapists listed in those databases must prove that they have an advanced degree and an up-to-date professional license. You can read profiles or click through to individual therapist websites. Yelp is another great way to search for local therapists.
Interview therapists: Once you narrowed down your list of potentials, it’s time to start making calls. I offer all new clients a free 20 minute consultation to see if we might be a good fit to work together. Pay attention to how you feel on the phone. Do you feel comfortable talking with him or her? Do they sound clear and confident while answering your questions? Is their style of communication relatable? If yes, go ahead and book an intake session at the end of your phone call. Feel free to do this with more than one therapist if you like the idea of “shopping around.”
Pro Tip: Have a few questions prepared before calling, such as:
How would you describe your style of therapy?
What do you charge per session?
What insurance plans do you take?
Do you provide a sliding pay scale?
How often will we meet?
How does therapy work?
Found the right person…now what? Your first session with your therapist will cover a lot of material. You will be asked to share what brought you into therapy, parts of your personal and family history, and the current symptoms you are experiencing. Your therapist will ask you personal questions and, depending on your relationship to vulnerability, this may feel challenging. This is normal and to be expected. Your therapist should never rush your process. Your pace and comfort level must be respected.
“A person’s relationship with their therapist frequently mirrors their relationships outside the therapy office. We often unconsciously recreate dynamics from other relationships with our therapist giving us the opportunity to process negative feelings and work through maladaptive patterns in a safe space. A good therapeutic relationship can be a corrective experience: We are accepted for who we are, encouraged to look inward and connect with our true natures, and supported in growing into our real selves.”
If you live in the Westlake Village Area and are interested in individual or couples therapy I invite you to contact me via email at: tanyasamuelianmft@yahoo.com
major credit to The Every Girl for the guideline to this very important post!
Forgiveness
What does forgiveness mean to you? What does it mean to forgive someone? What does it mean to forgive yourself? It sounds like it would be an easy question to answer, but I challenge you to pause and really think about the last time you forgave someone, or even yourself. Many times, it’s easier to forgive someone else before you can forgive yourself. Here are a few key things to remember when forgiving yourself:
admit the wrong: take ownership of what you did. You have to deal with it, face what you did, and how the situation was created by what you did. We are all human and you’re going to make mistakes.
prepare to restart and try again: continuing to punish yourself for the past only blocks you from your own happiness in the present. You are allowed to grow and become a better person. Make amends with others and yourself, keep what you have learned, and let go of the rest.
a restart is not an undo: although forgiving yourself is important, you have to remember that others may continue to hold on because you cannot control how anyone else thinks or feels, and forgiveness is not permission to do it again. You can’t force someone else’s forgiveness, and just because you apologize doesn’t mean that the person who was affected will accept it; however, that does not mean have to continue to punish yourself for whatever happened.
In order to grow as people, we have to learn from our mistakes and our past. We have to forgive ourselves even when others might not. Forgiveness is an important and necessary part of building a loving and trusting relationship with yourself.
What are some ways that you forgive yourself? Share in the comments below!
If you are finding yourself struggling with forgiveness and live in the Los Angeles/Westlake Village area and are interested in individual or couples therapy, I invite you to contact me via email at: tanyasamuelianmft@yahoo.com . I happily provide a complimentary consultation. Contact me now to see if we might be a good fit to work together!
Common Reasons for seeking out Therapy
Many people don’t seek out therapy until things have become so unmanageable that they can longer function properly. Life can be crazy and during this time, we have somehow stopped listening to our bodies, minds, and spirits and have come to a place where our lifestyle is no longer sustainable. This is a vicious cycle that we must become aware of and break. If you relate to any of these common reasons, maybe it’s time to find a good therapist and give yourself some TLC. Here are some very common reasons we need to become aware of:
depression and anxiety
adjusting to changes in life
relationship difficulties
addiction
mood changes
changes in eating and/or sleeping habits
grief
personal growth and deeper awareness
If any of these issues resonate with you, you are not alone and it’s totally normal to be experiencing any number of those listed curveballs at any given time! I encourage you to pause and check in with yourself and your needs. Therapy can be the link to help you reconnect with your needs and develop the tools to help you cope with the curveballs in life. If you live in the Los Angeles/Westlake Village area and are interested in individual or couples therapy I invite you to contact me via email at: tanyasamuelianmft@yahoo.com . I happily provide a complimentary consultation. Contact me now to see if we might be a good fit to work together!