7 Journals for Creativity, Gratitude, and Better Sex according to Goop
The best journal for you is the one you’ll actually use—whether that’s one that functions more like a traditional planner or one that’s simply pretty to look at.
01 QUICK HIT
In the first pages of The Five-Minute Journal, an inscription insists it’s not a magic pill. Whatever dreams, intentions, and aspirations you write here, it says, you will still have to execute them in real life. But this journal is a guide on how to do precisely that—and it’s a little magic we’re happy to practice for five minutes at a time. Every day (or every day you feel like it, no pressure), you fill in your answers to three simple questions in the morning and two easy reflections at night. Each one encourages intention, gratitude, and perspective. And they all make the idea of living a little better feel totally within reach.
02 BLANK SPACE
When guided journaling exercises aren’t the vibe, a simple notebook is a refreshing blank slate. This one from AllSwell is designed for flexibility. If you open it from the cover that says “WRITE,” you get lined pages for neat and tidy notes, lists, and diary entries. Flip it over to its second cover, “DRAW,” and you’ll open it up to blank pages perfect for doodles.
There are no prompts or practices in the notebook, so if you find yourself seeking some creative inspiration, it’s worth picking up AllSwell’s deck of journaling cards, which cue gratitude lists, letter-writing, and sketches of cherished memories (like a favorite tree from your childhood). Shuffle, pick, and let your pen go at it.
03 SPICED UP
This journal is a resource not just for better sex but also for cultivating intimacy, silliness, and honesty in a partnered relationship. It’s designed to be picked up right after play. The journal guides you through a set of prompts that you respond to individually, filling in statements like “I feel ___,” and “I felt most turned on when ____,” and then questions to answer together: What are we learning? What do we want and need? After every four entries, there’s a page for reflections on how you’ve grown as a couple and what you’ve felt grateful for since the last check-in. It even includes a guide on how to constructively communicate desires with your partner as well as where to begin if filling out the journal ever feels awkward.
04 SIMPLE PLAN
While the basic structure of this little booklet is that of a monthly and weekly planner, working through the pages means getting really clear about what you want and how you want to pursue it. The diary asks you to break down your specific goals into actionable steps and also prompts you to reflect: on what’s behind your intentions, on what support you need, and on how your goals fulfill your core purpose. That may all make it sound very career-focused—and yes, it’s great for that—but it’s also just as invaluable a tool for our relationships, intellectual growth, and spiritual development.
05 ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE
The concept of this journal is simple: It’s a place to jot down what you’re grateful for. That’s it. No guides, no prompts, no activities. Just the simple inscription on the cover as a reminder to count your blessings daily. It looks pretty on a nightstand (we like to make entries right before sleep) and is a great gift. And because our planet is one thing we can all be grateful for: This journal is fully recyclable.
06 JOY RIDE
Filling out the prompts in this one-page-a-day journal feels like scribbling in the personal diary you kept as a kid. Every page has a brief, totally joy-inducing activity, like thinking about how your love brings your loved ones happiness or feeling out a memory you could live in forever. Then it asks you to respond in a few short lines with what came up for you. We’ve found that it’s an easy way to lift our hearts in a moment. And even after you’ve filled out every page, this journal’s great for revisiting. Just cover up your previous notes with your fingers to go over your favorite pages again and again.
07 FOOD FOR THOUGHT
If you’re on a mission to listen to your body more, this food journal is a great first step. We like it because there are no prescriptions of what or when or how to eat, just space to very simply note how you’re feeling, how you slept, and what you ate and drank throughout the day. And it may help you develop healthier routines: Research shows that self-monitoring without deliberately changing anything is effective in changing our eating habits for the better.
Find the full article here.
If you're looking for a therapist who provides online sessions, I invite you to contact me to schedule your free phone consultation today! Contact Me Here
COVID 19 & Teletherapy
Seeing a therapist used to imply being in the same room with them, but not any longer. Teleconferencing has made it possible to see a mental health professional from a distance.
With recent requirements for social distancing, many therapists and clients have had to either pause their work or make other arrangements, including meeting by video conference.
I've been providing teletherapy services for a few years now. Here are some common questions and issues that come up when thinking about making the transition.
Will My Therapist Agree to Online Sessions?
Some therapists (myself included) are enthusiastic about using teletherapy, some won't use it at all, and a large number of therapists approach it with some reservations. I've been surprised how many therapists are now moving to it with the COVID-19 outbreak and resulting social distancing. Most therapists generally seem to find that it's a very beneficial approach.
Even among therapists I know who were skeptical about online sessions in the past, the majority have opened to the idea. They seem to recognize it as a good option to avoid an untimely break in the therapy relationship, and to provide continuity of care.
Will It Be Weird?
If you're generally comfortable with communicating through a screen (e.g., Skype, FaceTime), you'll probably be comfortable moving to online therapy. If you can't stand this form of communication, you'll likely have a harder time with it. Of the dozens of clients I've treated through teletherapy, most seem to find the transition to be smoother than they expected. Therapy tends to be intense, and quickly enough you're likely to forget about the medium and focus on the work.
That said, expect some differences with teletherapy. It's different when you're not in the same room with someone, and you're experiencing them in two spatial dimensions instead of three. It can also be harder to pick up on body language through a video. And while most of my clients seemed to be comfortable with making the switch, a few were not, or found the transition to be quite challenging. Occasional tech issues come up (like a delay in the audio and video), but typically can be handled with a little patience and humor.
Is It Effective?
Research suggests that therapy by video conference can be very effective, which has also been my clinical experience. It depends on you and your therapist, of course, but in general you should expect it to be helpful if you were finding in-person therapy helpful.
Personally, some of the most powerful clinical experiences I've witnessed have occurred through teletherapy. In my own practice, I've seen it work for people dealing with things like depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, insomnia, relationship issues, grief, and trauma.
Will Insurance Reimburse Me?
A growing number of insurance providers seem to be willing to cover online therapy sessions. They'll probably require the standard things for reimbursement: your identifying information, the provider's license and so forth, a diagnostic code, and a session (CPT) code. Check with your insurance provider before starting your sessions if you'll depend on reimbursement to cover the sessions.
How Does It Work?
You and your therapist will agree on a platform to use (or in some cases may decide to forego video and simply speak by phone). Some rely on Skype or FaceTime, although those options are not HIPAA compliant. More secure platforms include VSee, Zoom, and Doxy, among others. There may be a fee for your therapist to use the technology depending on the service, but it should be free for you (aside from your therapist's session fee, of course).
How Should I Prepare for My Sessions?
Some important and finer points about the logistics of teletherapy:
Do a test of the software beforehand for your own peace of mind and to be sure it will work, and verify that you have your therapist's contact information (e.g., VSee username).
Find a place in your home where you'll have as much privacy as possible. This could be a challenge if kids are out of school or other family members are always home (or work from home).
Along those lines, I recommend ear buds for privacy and also better sound quality. That way your therapist's voice won't feed back into your microphone and out their speakers.
Make sure you're sitting somewhere you'll be comfortable for the length of your session.
Have your screen on a stable surface, since excessive movement can create a feeling of seasickness for your therapist. If they're new to teletherapy and their screen is bouncing around, ask them to do the same.
A finer point: try to have the top of your head near the top of your video screen, rather than in the bottom half of the screen. That way when they're looking at your face they'll be looking more or less into their camera (assuming it's at the top of their computer), so it will feel like they're looking at you.
Be sure to close email and turn off notifications that could be distracting and dilute the experience for you. You'll want to have your full attention focused on your session.
Also close programs that could slow down your computer's processing ability and interfere with the quality of the video.
You may also need to work out payment arrangements with your therapist if you generally pay in person. Some therapists will keep a credit card on file for you; others will ask that you mail a check. Find out what they prefer.
Are There Other Advantages to Online Therapy?
One plus of online therapy you'll notice right away is that there's no travel time involved, so your sessions will probably take up much less of your day. With that in mind, you may want to build in some transition time into and out of therapy, since travel time often provides a buffer before and after your session. It might be challenging, for example, to return directly to childcare after an emotional session. Even a 10-minute break to process and digest the session can make a big difference.
You'll also never have to cancel for weather (assuming you have electricity and Internet), and there are no concerns about whether you could pass along a sickness to your therapist (or vice versa) if you're well enough to meet but possibly contagious. It's also possible to see your therapist when you're traveling, just as I've been able to see clients when I've been on the road.
What If My Therapist Won't Do Online Sessions?
If your current therapist isn't open to doing teletherapy, you might consider speaking with a new therapist who does offer online sessions. Obviously it's not ideal to have to start over with someone new, especially if you've been seeing your therapist for a while. But it may be your only option if you're committed to continuing therapy with as little interruption as possible.
If you don't want to start with a new person, consider other resources during the hiatus from seeing your therapist (and work with them on the plan, if possible). For example, there may be books, brief online courses, or other resources that will help you to continue the work. Your therapist might be open to having brief phone check-ins during this time.
Seek out additional support from loved ones, as well, and be sure to take care of your basic needs like sleep, nutrition, and movement to keep your body and mind healthy. You might find journaling to be helpful during this time, as it's been shown to be an effective way to process thoughts and emotions.
Keep in mind that there could be unexpected benefits to taking a therapy vacation. While it may not be ideal, an unplanned break from therapy can lead to surprising growth, as the work you've done settles in and takes hold.
The Bottom Line
If you're considering teletherapy, talk it over with your therapist and see if it's worth giving a try. You don't have to know in advance if it's the right decision for you—you can always plan to do a limited number of sessions to see how it goes. If it works well, it could be a convenient and time-saving way to continue the important work of therapy.
Find the fill article here.
If you're looking for a therapist who provides online sessions, I invite you to contact me to schedule your free phone consultation today! Contact Me Here
Using Essential Oils for Energy
Life is exhausting. Family, pets, work, anxiety…It can all lead to relying on cup after cup of coffee to get through the day.
There isn’t one magic fix that instantly leads to increased energy: good sleep, eating healthy food, thyroid function, and stress management all play a part. But there is one supporting player on the better energy all-star team that’s often overlooked: essential oils.
While using essential oils for energy isn’t a replacement for prioritizing all the other factors that could be contributing to fatigue, it can help.
Essential oils that encourage deep breathing: peppermint, eucalyptus, and cardamom
We often don’t think about it, but deep breathing is directly connected to better energy. One reason why many people have an energy deficit is because they’re taking such shallow breaths all the time and there isn’t enough oxygen flowing through the body and to the brain.
When it comes to which specific essential oils are linked to deeper breathing, peppermint increases VO2; eucalyptus and cardamom are both popular oils that can provide respiratory support. (Eucalyptus is a decongestant, promoting deeper breathing. Cardamom is considered “warming” and can help improve circulation.)
Mood-boosting essential oils: orange, lemon, lime, grapefruit
Fatigue can also often stem from a mood imbalance. Mood is a big piece of energy. We know that chronic stress and depression can lead to chronic fatigue, and we also know that citrus essential oils such as orange, lemon, lime, and grapefruit, are linked to boosting mood.
Because memory and smell are so intricately linked, other essential oils can help boost mood too, based on what makes you specifically feel warm and fuzzy inside. For some people, lavender is a mood-boosting scent because they have such happy memories tied to it; it’s very individual.
Essential oils that support good sleep: lavender, chamomile, valerian root
Getting good sleep is a big part of feeling energized throughout the day, which is why working essential oils into your nighttime routine can be beneficial too. If you are really wanting to use essential oils for energy, you likely aren’t going to be using the same blends all the time; your morning blend will be different than your night blend because you don’t want to perk up at 10 p.m., which is likely what peppermint will do.
Lavender, chamomile, and valerian root are all essential oils that are linked to promoting good sleep. Lavender can calm the nervous system, helping you relax, while chamomile can help with anxiety and valerian root is literally used as a natural sleep aid.
How to use essential oils for energy
Now that you know which oils contribute to better energy, how do you use them? Topical use, applying a few drops of your chosen oil or blend to your wrists or neck. The reason why topical use is best is because you basically become a walking diffuser.
For the quickest effects, inhalation is best. Nothing is faster than inhalation, and adding a diffuser can be used in this way. Take a whiff of peppermint. You’ll instantly perk up!
Whether you choose to apply an essential oil topically or use a diffuser, the effects won’t last more than a couple hours, so because of this, you may want to incorporate them into your routine throughout the day. Perhaps you have one blend you smell in the morning, one in the afternoon, and one before bed.
While essential oils are only one piece of the energy-boosting puzzle, they can work in conjunction with other holistic solutions such as eating more nutrient dense foods and taking measures to minimize stress. When used together, a clearer picture of better energy starts to come together, and in turn, it could transform your entire day.
Read the full article at Well + Good.
If you live in the Los Angeles or Westlake Village area and are interested in therapy, I invite you to contact me via email at: tanyasamuelianmft@yahoo.com . I provide a complimentary consultation. Check out my services to see which one might fit your needs. Contact me now to see if we might be a good fit to work together! Or book your appointment here!
Accepting Unwanted Emotions
Emotions: according to the dictionary, the definition of an emotion is, “a conscious mental reaction (such as anger or fear) subjectively experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body”.
But emotions serve us in a variety of ways. For example, they give us valuable messages (e.g., fear in an unsafe situation), reveal how important something is to us (e.g., you have stronger emotions in your romantic relationship than you do when you’re shopping for cereal or having a casual conversation with a stranger), and prompt us to act (e.g., you stroke a partner’s face with love or turn away from spoiled food in disgust).
But the story of emotions is a bit more delicate and complex, as it isn’t simply about what we feel in response to what happens around us. We tirelessly size up our inner world and place value judgments on it. Depending on the circumstances we’re in and the messages we’ve received along the way about what we’re allowed to feel, emotions (or at least certain ones) may get tagged as acceptable, healthy, or reasonable, or they might get labeled as wrong, crazy, or threatening. For instance, researchers at the University of Oxford highlighted the following categories of disapproving beliefs when it comes to painful emotions:
Emotions are too powerful and can’t be managed.
Emotions are bad and/or ridiculous.
Emotions are defective and make no sense.
Emotions are unproductive.
My emotions could sabotage me or other people.
My emotions might spread to other people and I can’t let that happen.
What’s thorny about this is that if we have a negative outlook on our emotions, we’ve got a whole new load to carry—we’re more likely to have another negative emotion layered on top of the one we’re already experiencing. The emotions we have about how we feel are known as meta-emotions. For example, let’s say we see sadness as a sign of personal weakness and inadequacy. Because of this viewpoint, we might feel shame or fear in response to our sadness. And it’s not just uncomfortable emotions that get a bad rap. People can feel nervous about pleasant emotions too.
Our ideas about our emotional life don’t just impact how we feel about our emotions, but the steps we take to respond to them as well. To illustrate, let’s stay with our example of sadness. We regard it as a signal that we’re weak and defective in some way, and this idea stirs up intense shame. The big question now: What do we do with all of this? Considering that we’re treating sadness as intolerable and we feel ashamed of it, we’re relatively unlikely to talk about it with someone else, to be kind to ourselves in the face of it, or to allow ourselves to feel sad and see what happens. No, instead we’re probably going to be more inclined to react to sadness in other ways, such as:
Mentally beating ourselves up for feeling it
Racking our brains over why we feel this way and why we can’t get over it and feel happy like everyone seems to feel
Trying to cover it up when we’re around other people
Self-medicating with alcohol or other substances
How we choose to respond to our emotions also has an impact on how we feel and on our quality of life. If we criticize ourselves all the time, that harsh voice gets stronger and we’ll continue unintentionally manufacturing more shame. We could mull over why we feel the way we do and question why we can’t make it go away, but this approach is more likely to leave us feeling even worse. If we try to hide our sadness and mask what feels so unspeakable, we’re liable to bear the cost of this strategy, experiencing more distress, less comfort, and more detached relationships. And although we can try to escape through alcohol and other substances, this opens the door to use disorders and other problems.
There are a variety of other ways in which rejecting what we feel sets the stage for giving us more of the very thing we don’t want. For instance, when people are scared of emotions, this forecasts difficulty managing anger, feeling more upset, drawing from pleasant memories to feel better, and symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Moreover, people who view uncomfortable emotions as bad are also less likely to be empathic toward themselves. And the idea that painful emotions are hazardous is related to lower odds of naming such emotions for one’s children, a valuable step in emotional skill-building.
So if it doesn’t serve us to treat our emotions as off-limits, what’s the alternative? When we accept distressing emotions as being a universal, natural part of life, it’s ironically linked to experiencing them less and, in the long run, having better emotional health.
But why might this be? Why would accepting the emotions we don’t want generally be connected with them dwindling rather than growing? Researchers have proposed several possible explanations:
Rumination can make people feel worse, and individuals who accept upsetting emotions don’t tend to ruminate over them as much.
Efforts to avoid what a person feels can go awry and have a boomerang effect, furnishing them with more of what they tried to push away.
Individuals who accept their emotions may be spared an extra layer of emotional pain by not having to feel upset about feeling upset.
Disquieting emotions that we meet with acceptance are less likely to have as much staying power.
Acceptance is a mindset, an approach of giving ourselves permission to experience our emotions and taking the perspective that they’re human rather than silly, weak, crazy, wrong, dangerous, or beyond our power to ever be able to manage. It’s about challenging that self-critical inner voice that says we can’t feel what we do, or that an emotion will harm us or be a badge of our inherent fault or shame. Acceptance is about giving ourselves the space to listen to ourselves in a nonjudgmental way.
Read the full article on Psychology Today.
If you live in the Los Angeles or Westlake Village area and are interested in therapy, I invite you to contact me via email at: tanyasamuelianmft@yahoo.com . I provide a complimentary consultation. Check out my services to see which one might fit your needs. Contact me now to see if we might be a good fit to work together! Or book your appointment here!
Dear Diary...
Writing down your feelings is a powerful tool for relationships because by doing it, you get to know the number-one most important person in your life: yourself. The quality of any romantic relationship is going to be directly correlated to your own self-worth. You are the person you really need to get to know, and journaling is a great ally in that process.
Writing can help you tune in to your inner voice and appreciate who you are—in other words, your journal shouldn’t just be a dumping ground for frustrations about your partner. (Although that can definitely be helpful in some situations, like if you need to have a talk with them and want to organize your thoughts.) Rather, you can also look at it as a place to dig deep into who you are and what you want.
Here are a few journal prompts that can help take a person’s relationships to the next level, whether single or attached.
Journal Prompts for Single People
The perfect day visualization: A big roadblock people come up against when dating is that they don’t really know what they want. And if you’re not clear on your endgame, you risk wasting time and energy on people who ultimately aren’t going to be the best fit for you.
To find that clarity, try this two-part journaling exercise. First, take a little time to dream about what [your ideal] partnership looks like and feels like. These prompts can help get you started, but feel free to be creative here:
Journal out a whole day spent with this person. What does it feel like when you wake up together? Where do you go? What do you do? Really dig in and get specific.
Keep coming back to how it feels physically and emotionally. Are you energized? Does it give you a sense of safety? Are you having fun?
Next, use the intel gleaned from your perfect-day visualization to make a list of qualities you want to prioritize in a partner. What are the nonnegotiables for you?
The post-date debrief: One of the ickier aspects of dating-app culture is that it can make a person feel like they’re on a job interview, and it’s easy to put too much focus on the performance aspect. We’ve all fallen down the rabbit hole of self-doubt. But this is the absolute wrong approach. We’re often so preoccupied with being chosen that it’s easy to forget that you are picking your partner, as well.
You can use your journal to flip the script. Don’t just get caught up in the ‘shiny object’ aspects of their persona or appearance, ask yourself about the qualities they exhibited and if those are in alignment with what’s most important to you. Here are some things she suggests you journal about after a date:
How did your evening make you feel?
What did you enjoy about spending time with this person (or not)?
Did they make you feel good or kick up insecurities?
It’s not about judging your date. It’s about being connected with yourself through the dating process and assessing whether you two humans are a good fit for one another. You might be surprised to realize that person you were hoping to impress isn’t actually that impressive themselves!
Journal Prompts if You’re in a Relationship
The stress-buster: Stress is a major relationship buzzkill—if you’re obsessing over your to-do list or a conflict with someone at work, it’s hard to be present with your partner. Compounding this is the fact that self-care can often take a backseat when you’re coupled up. It erodes the foundation of the relationship long-term, because you both need to be taking care of yourselves in order to have the energy and clarity to take care of each other.
Here’s how you can use your journal to calm your mind and clear mental space for your S.O.
At night in bed, jot down a list of everything you want to get out of your head. This might help you sleep better—and wake up knowing exactly what priorities you need to tackle the next day. (That way, you’re not thinking about them during quality time with your bedmate.)
In the morning, do a free-write for at least four minutes and see what comes up on the page. Think of it like a juice cleanse for your brain.
The self-love party: Let’s be honest: One of the perks of being in a relationship is having someone constantly tell you how great they think you are. But if you’re solely looking to your partner to validate you, you’re likely heading down a sketchy path. We aren’t going to get all our needs met by a significant other. That’s unreasonable and unrealistic.
If you find that your moods peak and dip based on the amount of attention you’re getting from your plus-one, try giving yourself the gratuitous praise you’re seeking. Make a list of the things that you appreciate about yourself, and not a short list! Go for at least 50: traits, body parts, habits, you name it. Like how you set the dining room table? Include it. Think you have lovely feet, claim it. Love how you are a good friend to x person? Celebrate it. It’ll take the pressure off your partner to be the president of your fan club—but, more importantly, it can help you fall a little deeper in love with you.
Read the full article on Well+Good.
If you live in the Los Angeles or Westlake Village area and are interested in therapy, I invite you to contact me via email at: tanyasamuelianmft@yahoo.com . I provide a complimentary consultation. Check out my services to see which one might fit your needs. Contact me now to see if we might be a good fit to work together! Or book your appointment here!